chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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