I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
