Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
