my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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