Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
