i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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