That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
