my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
In America we eat man semen.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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