Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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