It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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