Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
