but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize