it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
where are you?
Hypothermia
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
