Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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