just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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