If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
