I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
