Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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