guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
