Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
