The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
