Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
