is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
