remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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