I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize