Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
