I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
