I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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