i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
