Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
