shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
