My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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