3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
