Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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