if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i believe in u and ur pee
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
