You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
