I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize