Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
