The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
