I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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