I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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