Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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