If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
