Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
