In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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