My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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