I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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