thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
