the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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