I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
