Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Drunk is not a location!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
