so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize