White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
