My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
