i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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