sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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