I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
