Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize