He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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