remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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