I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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