Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
