Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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