when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
a search helicopter?!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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