saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
