I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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