Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
