Cold hands, warm shart.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
