i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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