No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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