Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
