my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
